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Democrats Seize House; Will Provide Oversight. Investigate. Hold Hearings. Issue Subpoenas. Get Trump’s Taxes (NEW VIDEO)

Posted on Nov 6, 2018 by in All Episodes, Be Less Stupid | 0 comments

Congratulations to every democrat who won their race. Who defied the odds…who helped flip The House.  I repeat… who flipped. The. House.

Congratulations to every democrat who battled fear mongering and won…

Who battled white supremacy and neo-nazis… and won.

Who battled gerrymandered districts, racist robo-calls, and voter suppression on the local level… and won.

Who spoke out against Russian election interference and fraud and corruption at the highest levels of our national government… and won.

Who spoke out against the deep-rooted deep state machinery that historically favors male candidates… and won.

So many democrats won tonight, I want to paraphrase Ronald Reagan’s old slogan, “It’s Morning in America” – only, because we’re liberal, the saying should be: “It’s Brunch in America.”

Across our country, democrats were passionate advocates for equality… science… and healthcare.

This, despite unprecedented lies, sleaze, braggadocio, false bravado and deception. I’m talking about you, Sean Hannity.

Democrats are NOT the enemy. At least, we weren’t for the last two years. Going forward, I’m not so sure. Here’s a fact you can’t distort: There’s more of us. Yes, Mr. President, you won the electoral college, but lost the popular vote. And today, millions of Democrats came to the polls to say with one voice: We’ve had enough. We don’t like you. We don’t like what you stand for. We don’t like what you’re doing and we’re going to see you in the ring THIS SUNDAY NIGHT FOR WRESTLEMANIA 27— .

OK. That last bit may have been a little much.

No democrat I know is a socialist. No democrat is advocating for public ownership of the means of production. No democrat is advocating for a classless society. After-all, when it comes to “classless,” I mean, you’ve already got that covered.

Liberal democrats want equality of opportunity… not equality of outcome.

Democrats don’t like abortion. We think they should be safe legal and rare. We’ve done the math. It’s their uterus, women get to decide what grows in it. Full stop. And, if someone grabs their pussy we believe there should be repercussions for the perpetrator… NOT the victim who reports it to authorities.

We don’t want open borders, either. We want people who were born here to have a path to citizenship. And it should be rigorous. Most Democrats know responsible gun owners are not a problem. We just don’t want kids, people who like movies, who like to dance or worship their god… to get shot while doing it. Surely, there’s a better solution to this problem than “donate more to the NRA.”

Democrats believe Mexican kids don’t belong in cages.

Democrats believe refugees are not an invading army of murderers and rapists. Why are you so scared? The most dangerous weapon any one of them is carrying is a baby bjorn.

This is the US border with Mexico. And this is Tijuana’s poorest community. There’s no running water. No sanitation disposal. The roofs are made of plywood. No fence. No wall. No army can ever stop… will ever stop people who don’t have toilets… from figuring out how to get to the place that does. Think about that the next time you ring a bell or hit a buzzer or snap your finger and a person with brown skin brings you a diet coke.

Democrats believe transgendered people are just regular people.

That African Americans are not stupid. And that African countries aren’t shitholes.

That in Charlottesville, there were good people on one side…. And Nazis on the other.

Democrats believe CNN and the NY Times don’t suck. That said, we’re a little “iffy” on the USA Today.

Democrats also believe America is a nation of laws… and having tiny hands, long ties and the resolute desk does not make you above them. We believe those who commit crime should be sent to jail. No matter how hot their girlfriend is or how cute the hand bags are they design.

It’s taken two years… two long fucking years… but finally, now that we’ve flipped the house, there’s a branch of government that will conduct their constitutionally mandated role of oversight.

You can expect subpoenas. Hearings. And hard questions. And if that results in a constitutional fight, bring it on. Guess what? Two years of choking on stomach bile… hardens the resolve. If you were such a smart business man, you would have invested in Tums or Rolaids before you took office.

You can expect that if you’ve obstructed justice or conspired with Russia, there will be consequences. They’ll be severe. They’ll be Embarrassing. They’ll bankrupt you. Just ask every one of these guys.

Also, it’s possible nothing will happen, because if history is our guide, democrats never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

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